Day-45: That...

That - I ate that. That was my plate. That was my Bone In Cowboy Ribeye. 

In Order:

• Body of Christ
• Blue cheese stuffed olives from my martini 
• Slice of buttered bread 
• Seared Ahi Tuna 
• Chef Special - BLT Salad
• That bad boy from above
• Shoestring potato fries 
• Keylime Pie 

And Done

I was full. I actually only consumed 1/2 the steak and very little fries or pie, but it was all magical. The fact that my meal had a variety of textures, temperatures and flavors was splendid on its own. Add the taste that the above food is packed with to the texture and splendid becomes magical. 

Dinner last night was not the culmination of everything I've been doing. Dinner was just how I broke my fast. The fact that Beth and I chose to make my first meal in 44 days a special date for the two of us was an added bonus. The fact that we have not been on a date with just the two of us since before last Christmas helped us appreciate the opportunity that much more. Dinner could have been Taco Bell, or a PB&J, or eggs and hash. Dinner could have been a club sandwich, pizza or salad. Dinner was just something that I was going to eventually eat again.

My Lenten journey is not yet complete. Last night my Lord broke bread with his disciples for the last time. Today Jesus was crucified and on Sunday, he will rise again. Right now my body full of sodium and bloated, but my belly is full and I am not mentally craving food. I'm excited for the weekend, excited that it is a holiday weekend, excited to jog with food in my system and excited to put answers to some of the previous entries. 

It's going to be a great weekend, but for now I'm full and it is bed time. 

Before I went out to dinner last night I check my weight and weighted 183 LBS. When I woke up this morning I weighted 188 LBS. With all the consumption and additional sodium from things like my lunch of Five Guy's Burger and Fries, tomorrow will be worse, but then I should balance out.

Day-43: This...

I'm going to eat This tomorrow -

After I have the Body of Christ
It is a Bone in Cowboy Ribeye
It will come from Ruth's Chris 
It is delicious
It makes my mouth water looking at it
And I will not have soup as an appetizer


I have no focus tonight, nothing spiritual, nothing profound, no little nuggets of insight, no burning questions, just hunger and anticipation.

Seriously, 43 days without food - it's been annoying.

I have a childhood friend over right now and some Emmitt Mix (Emmit Mix defined here http://40wetdays.blogspot.com/2011/03/day-18-spice-crackers-spice-crackers.html ) is on the counter and I jokingly said, "I'll just have a handful, after all I've gone 43 days, what does one day matter?" To which he responded "Everything, it means everything, it is all the difference between success and a lifetime or remembering failure."  - True that. 

Anyways, no handful of crackers, no homemade garlic bread, no spaghetti, no salad, no snacks, no freaking solid foods of any kind.

I'm not malnourished. Each day I get adequate calories, protein, vegetables, fruits, minerals, nutritional value of all sorts, but still, I'm always hungry. If I spent the rest of my life doing this I would not die of malnourishment but would never feel full, it is a weird thing.

So far I've heard the following about myself:

• You look weirdly skinny (coworker)
• You look younger (sister-in-law)
• You walk around with an annoyed look on your face (boss)
• You look like you did when you got married (different sister-in-law)
• Your now better looking than me (different coworker)
• You look great (church member - though I thought I looked fine before)
• You look the same as always (friend)
• You look better with a defined jaw line (me, whenever I look in a mirror)

I'm excited for tomorrow. Like a kid on Christmas, it will be great.

Started the day at 186 LBS.

Day-42: Patience, It's What's For Dinner

I wish that my dinner would have been what everybody else had for dinner. 

• Sausage Patties
• Baked at 385 on a cookie sheet until done
• Hash Browns 
• Garlic-olive-oil heated in a skillet with salt, pepper, onion powder 
• Add Hash Browns 
• Top with more salt, pepper, cotija cheese and small butter chunks
• Put on lid till butter melts
• Remove lid and flip once bottom is browned 
• Continue flipping until desired crispness
• Scrambled Eggs
• Put eggs, salt, pepper, milk, sour cream, and baking soda in a bowl
• Mix with immersion mixer 
• Add sharp shredded cheddar cheese 
• Cook till fluffy 
• Applesauce (Home made by Grandma) 
• Buttered Toast 

Yeah, for dinner I had patience with a side of Campbell's Green Pea Soup.

Patience - I've been living that lesson again. 42 days of a liquid diet and I believe I have my patience back.

Andrew Heller writes for MLive. Recently he posted an article: "God bless those who are strong enough to give up something for Lent" Link here, http://blog.mlive.com/flintjournal/aheller/2014/04/andrew_heller_god_bless_those.html. I enjoy the article well enough, but like most things online, I get most of my amusement from the public comments of others.

The individuals who commented on Heller's article made me thing about something, would I sacrifice solid foods if I was not a Christian? The short answer is "No, I wouldn't observe Lent if I were not a practicing Christian".  However, I think even if I were not Christian I'd still be a fan and in favor of self-denial, which is something I've been learning from Lent. I think it is important to grow as an individual to make a sacrifice from time to time. 

Sometimes I tell my kids “no” just so they are not always accustomed to getting what they want. Life will not always work out as they hope, so it is important for my kids to know that there is life after "no".  Life has not always worked out how I thought it would so Lent is a good way for me to tell myself "no".   Even though I know life is not always rainbows and unicorns it is good to remind myself that in a substitutive way. 

If I cannot eat solids for 40+ days, why can't I apply that same determination to other aspects of life: work, my kids, keeping my wife happy, house chores, etc...

Just more to noodle on. 

Started the day at 186 LBS.

Day-40: Did I Mention I Enjoy Jogging?

I do, I enjoy jogging. 

I've never considered myself to be a natural runner but I enjoy it. I like that when I'm running that's all I am able to do, it’s "me" time. When I go for jog I like to listen to audio books or music fine. Mostly I run by myself but I'm not opposed to running with others. 

In my life I've:

• Run the Grand Rapids Marathon twice (full marathon)
• The 5/3 Riverbank Run three times (25k)
• The Elk Rapids, Harbor Days 10K once
• Random 5k's - ten to fifteen times 

I think I'm an athletic person. Still, I do not consider myself to be a natural runner. I look at others and see natural runners, when I look into a mirror I do not see one.  When it comes to my running I have three things going for me: self-awareness, stamina and determination.

• Self-Awareness: I know my body, when I'm doing something athletic I can listen to my body and tell how tired I am, what I have left in the tank and what hurts.   
• Stamina: I have good stamina, even when out of shape I get oxygen to the necessary places in my body. With minimal exercise my stamina quickly increases.
• Determination: I was a college wrestler and if nothing else I know how much abuse I can take and still keep moving forward. I know how hard I can push my body and still have it do what I need. I know how much output can be achieved even when my tank is hovering around empty. 

Knowing these three things is important because I recently started running again.  Running on a liquid diet is not easy. I have limited energy at my immediate disposal. I have limited reserves to access. I have to listen hard to my body and wonder how much is left to use.

I've been running for about two weeks and have logged the following: 4.05, 3.57, 5.75, 3.53, 3.55, and 7.25 Miles. May 10th is the 5/3 Riverbank Run and I hope to make that weekend is completion #4. 

Other than expediting my weight loss running is important to my journey. I hate struggling with things and each run is a struggle. Having no extra energy and running is not easy and the "me time" of the endeavor allows for thoughts as to why I'm doing this. 

I miss food, I miss snacks, I'm annoyed with not eating, but for the last two weeks I've been pleased with nearly every other emotion attached with what I'm doing. Jesus was in the desert for 40 days without food and came back into civilization for dinner, betrayal, pain and to complete the prophecy. I have V8, Slimfast, Beer, Soups and Milkshakes - when I'm running I hurt and those moments give me even more appreciation as to why I'm doing this. 

Jesus had 40 days without food and was accosted with temptation and challenges from a being nearly as powerful as him and significantly more powerful than me.  I think I can limp though a couple more runs and handful more days of only liquids. 

Started the day at 187 LBS.

Day-39: Apparently I'm Thinner

At least that's what my co-workers, family members, friends, mirror, pants and scale tell me.

39 days into this spiritual journey and I'm down 23 lbs. - maybe I should send my plan to Dr. Oz - "Milkshakes & Beer the keys to weight loss" - maybe not. 23 lbs. in 39 days is too much weight loss to fast. Drinking 100% of your meals 100% of the time is an awful experience and not sustainable. 

At the start of this journey I was a happy, self-confident person. At the start of this journey I was not unhappy with my size / shape. Heck, last October I ran a full marathon weighing 209 lbs. All that being said, I'm not displeased with my weight being the 180's. I'm in the 180's for the first time since 2011 and only the 2nd time since 2005. I'm thinking that I'll work on not gaining back everything that I lost - which will be a challenge. 

I miss eating! I miss texture, a variety of flavors, feeling full. I miss snacking while I drink beer, watch TV and play games with friends. I miss sampling what I cook. 

A few days ago I made a slow cooked BBQ Beef Roast. 

• I used a 3 LBS chuck roast, coated with salt and pepper and olive oil. Add sliced onion, orange pepper, minced garlic and a slightly varied McCormick Slow Cooker BBQ recipe and let cook for 10 Hours. 
• Once the meat is done shred it with forks, removing the bone and fat and place into a separate container. Spoon the juice from the slow cooker over the shredded meat and let it absorb. 
• Heat butter in a pan and add fresh sliced onion and minced garlic. Add a TBSP or two of vinegar while cooking. Sprinkle with salt, pepper and as much diced jalapeno as your pallet desires. Cook until it is all caramelized.
• Take a sandwich bun, butter both sides, sprinkle buttered sides with garlic salt and toast on a hot pan.
• Take a hot bun and put spicy mustard on one half, top with shredded beef, onions and a slice sharp cheddar cheese
• Place other half of bun on top of cheese and watch your wife eat it...  

 That last step sucks. 

Still, I enjoy cooking. I enjoy making things that others like to eat and I enjoy the fact that I can still enjoy cooking and stay true to what I'm doing. 

When people ask me, "why are you doing this?" I tell them "To strengthen my relationship with God." In most situations there is a follow up question, "Is it working?” Thankfully, joyfully and happily I get to respond, "Yes, it is working." 

I love that fact. I love that it isn't a lie and that this experience is working. I am thankful and feel blessed that 39 days of not eating is giving me more than a flatter stomach and sharper jaw line. I am thankful for my support network, peer encouragement and will power. I am thankful for knowing God.

I’m 5 days from dinner…