Day-34: 9:14 PM - Did I forget to call?

It's now 9:20 PM.

I titled the post at 9:14 PM but Deborah was crying in her crib so I had to go and sooth her.

The time is important because it is really the first block of free time I've had since getting up this morning.

• Get up
• Get the boys up and get them breakfast / dressed
• Get Deborah dressed
• Shower and get ready for work
• Take the kids to daycare 
• Go to work
• Pick the kids up from daycare
• Get dinner going
• Have dinner with the family 
• Play with the kids / putter around the house 
• Help put the kids to bed
• Help organize the house and get lunches ready for tomorrow
• Sit on the couch, play a round (or two) of Candy Crush, get ready to start writing
• Sooth crying baby
• Sit back down and write

Yep, that's our day Monday through Thursday. Friday is similar except we don't have to make lunches and we are more lax about getting the kids down. 

I don't fully blame Deborah for the missing posts but going from "man to man" to "zone" between 2011 and 2014 makes a huge difference with our "free time".

The other main reason that I'm blogging less is that I do not feel as compelled as I did before. In 2011 this was all extremely new to me so every day, every experience, every urge, every struggle was new and I wanted to share it. Now, if the thought isn't new, unique or overly creative I do not feel as compelled to get it onto the internet.

Trying to fit needs, wants and hiccups into a 24-hour window is like trying to fit a size 13 foot into a size 10 shoe: in the end it can be done but it isn't comfortable. Which means that if I want it to be comfortable something needs to change.

• Work
• Spend time with the Mrs.
• Spend time with the kids
• Spend time with other family
• Work out
• See friends
• Devotionals 
• Cook 
• Chores 
• Leisure reading
• Volunteerism
• Sleep
• Etc... 

It's not easy.  If I do too much I don't do anything well. If I leave things out I feel incomplete. I think that part of making it work is prioritizing the list and to not look at the list and think in terms of a day but in terms of a week or month. 

Things like work, sleep and chores are easy - they are needs and fairly defined in life. 

But how much is enough? How often do I need to reach out to friends, to family? How much is the proper amount of play time? In how good of shape do I need to be? What is the correct amount of volunteerism? How much do I need to talk to God before I start to lose touch?  

My siblings and friends are great. The frequency of contact has no impact on what the relationship is, family is always family and friends are friends. Interaction and communication with family and friends is not a necessity, rather it is a pleasure. I love my friends and family and want to be a part of their lives', though from time to time I lose contact.  What’s cool is that it takes whopping 30-seconds to pick up where the relationships leave off, not matter how long we've been apart. 

I often pray that my relationship with God works the same way it works with my siblings or close friends. I want constant communication, but sometimes life gets in the way and there is a communication breakdown.  

I don't think he does but I hope that God doesn't hold it against me that sometimes "I forget to call".  That I can pick back up with God where I left off before.

More food for thought, more to think about and more to work on.

Started the day at 190 LBS - 10 Days till dinner!

Day-30: I'm 2-Weeks from Eating Dinner

30-Days... I have not had solid food in 30-days. 

In case you wondered, it is very annoying to not eat solids. Often it is not the skipping of the actual meals that bothers me but the foods between the meals or during the preparation of meals.

Things I miss:

• A handful of the boys cereal in the morning 
• Licking the knife after spreading peanut butter on the boys toast 
• A cookie or random baked good that floats so freely around the office 
• Some chips / crackers from the boys snacks 
• That broken 1/2 Pop tart sitting in our pantry, in a plastic bag
• A bite of whatever I'm cooking 
• A vegetable that has been roasting in the oven 
• Goldfish crackers
• Solid fruit

Cooking without taste is a little challenging. I'll taste sauces and the seasoning of stuff, but I won't chew anything, so my tasting can only go so far. Mostly I'm stuck following recipes, which I prefer to not do. 

With two weeks to go I've started thinking about food again. My first meal will be Holy Communion, which packs a lot of meaning and significances but lacks in flavor and sustenance. I had a buddy tell me that my first real meal should be Taco Bell, or Burger King, because no matter what I eat the food will be amazing.  There is a bone-in cowboy ribeye steak dominating the Taco Bell argument.  My wife, being the proactive person that knows me so well, suggested that my first meal be at the exact place where I had planned on it being, tax credits are not the only benefits to 10.5 years of marriage. 

With two-weeks to go I have noticed significant differences than when I first did this in 2011:

• I'm less cranky / irritable 
• I'm less moody 
• I have better control over the "crashes"
• I blog less and my posts seem to have less significance
• I drink a whole lot less (though I'm currently drinking a PBR)
• I don't worry about not making it the 44-Days but find myself annoyed that 44-Days is taking so long
• I have a 3rd child
• I'm finding less meaning in what I'm doing, but thinking I'm not looking hard enough 

I still have 14-days to get things figured out. 14-days to reflect, to search for meaning, to pray harder, to focus. I still have 14-days to make sure that this wasn't just a terrible 44-day weight loss plan. 

I finally stepped back on the scale, started the day at 192 lbs. I think I'll wait a few more days before I check my weight again. 

Day-28: Beer, Tigers and....

and... annoyance, apathy, frustration, impatience... I don't know... and... something.

But, first things are first:

My neighbor sent his daughter over because they needed to borrow some ice. As the good neighbor would, I filled the bucket and handed it back to the neighbor-girl. As she was heading out of my garage, I hollered "tell your dad he owes me a beer."

Not three minutes later there was a knock at the door. By the time I opended the door nobody was there, but this little guy was waiting for me on the front porch!

That's appreciation if I've ever seen it.

More than just a beer it demonstrated the type of the relationship that we have and highlights how the "borrowing of a cup of sugar" has evolved: Need some ice, have a beer.  Borrowed some chairs, have a beer. Helped me put something in storage, have a beer. That look on your face makes me want to say, "here, have a beer." We've shared tons of things over the years: sugar, milk, mayo, spices, beer, ice, bread, eggs, tools - but that is all next to nothing, that is all easy stuff.  What really solidifies the relationship are the laughs, tears, excursions, play dates, meals and most important - PRAYERS.

Prayers are powerful things. My neighbors, home of the Fight Club Captain are proof of the power of prayer. I say prayers when I wake up, before I eat, with my kids before they go to sleep, before I got to sleep, at church and sometimes just because I need to. Routines. If you haven't read my earlier posts, I'm a huge fan of routines. The hard thing is that some of my prayers are just routines and putting meaning in them is not always easy.

Fact: I can feel the difference between "routine prayers" and  prayers that I reach deep inside of myself for, that I feel so deeply it can hurt and that come from things or places I don't have control over. I know the importance and the difference between those two types of prayers.

Question: Why can't I make every prayer that I utter or think come from that powerful place?

FYI - Day-28 is/was Tuesday, April 1st. Day-27 was the Tiger's home opener. If you missed the home opener, they won it in the 9th - it was pretty sweet.

I worked a 1/2 day and came home early to watch the game on my couch. I was going to "work from home" while I watch the game, but that didn't happen. My best friend came over and we talked while we watched the game. Daniel got off the bus at the start of the 9th inning and he got to watch the Tiger's win. It was a good way to spend an afternoon.

I lie - it was an okay way to spend an afternoon. A good way would have been with food. I don't have "ball park" food that I crave, I just crave food. Chips and dip, a club sandwich, a handful of peanuts, a bowl of Captain Crunch, it does not really matter. Food would have made an okay afternoon good. Being at Tiger's Stadium would have made it great!


...

The "and" from the title. I have not ate solid foods for 28-Days, but the experience is lacking something. Not eating sucks, Jesus is the desert did not have Slim Fast or V8 or pureed soup. I've done this before and I'm not getting everything I got last time and that bothers me.  I missed a bunch of posts, rather than throw together something to fill space there will just be missing days.

I don't know what it is, what I'm feeling, why I'm feeling it. I'm not eating. I'm thinking about God.  I'm thinking about my relationship with God. I'm thinking about why I'm doing this.  I'm thinking about me and what I need to be doing with myself.  I'm annoyed at myself for not making time to post. I'm frustrated because I don't want to not eat solids for 44-Days and only lose weight.  I'm impatient because I expected more insight. I'm just... I don't know, I'm just - something right now.


Started the day at 19#. Not sure, I have not been checking my weight, but I can tell you my pants are baggy.

Day-22: Yep, I've Pureed That

Years ago my Magic Bullet died. It was replaced with an Oster Personal Blender. The Oster gets the job done, but it's no bullet.

When I had the Magic Bullet I used it for things like shakes, margaritas, guacamole, whipped cream, salsa and other random things. The Oster's really only good for shakes and pureeing stuff for my Liquid Lent.

My Uncle called me today and left me a voice mail, part of which said "Would it count if I had a chef puree a Filet Mignon, steak fries and a beer? If so, I think I could do your liquid diet."

As I mentioned before, I'm trying to avoid turning "normal" meals into liquids - after all, these are my rules so if I'm going to take the effort to puree a meal I might as well just eat the meal. Pureeing a meal as a loophole only cheats me.

But here's a list of things I have pureed or have been given to me pureed:

• Slimfast & Ice
• Slimfast and peanut butter 
• Slimfast, Ice & Blueberries 
• Slimfast & Chia Seed (I'll talk more about Chia another day)
• Ice cream and Milk
• Split Pea Soup
• Ham & Bean Soup
• Chili
• Corn Chowder 
• Fight Club Captain's: Cancer Crushing Magic Awesomeness 
• Some weird thing from The Republic that looked amazing. I think it had carrots and coriander amongst other things
• Hummus, Spicy SW Ranch Dip & French Onion Broth - IT WAS AWFUL - The thought of that combo will haunt me for the rest of my life 
• Cream of Mushroom Soup 
• Strawberries, Whipped Cream, Vanilla Ice cream & Sponge Cake - I almost consider that cheating - but only almost 

I'm pretty sure that during the next three weeks that list will expand, but for now that's it. Here is a list of things I've really wanted to puree:

•  A Cheeseburger
• Tacos, Tacos, Tacos and more Tacos 
• Chips, Salsa & Guacamole 
• Peperoni Pizza and Beer
• Beef Roast
• Mashed Potatoes and Gravy   
• Macaroni and Cheese

I have not been around a steak, but the next time I am it will probably be added to the list.


Started the day at 196 LBS & More than 1/2 way done!

Day-21: Weekday Jesus

"Heyyyy - who's up for a miracle?"

Then again, who would be opposed to a miracle?

BTW - this is "Buddy Christ" from the move Dogma. The religious community was offended by this movie. Sometimes religion takes itself to serious.

Typically I don't get offended when people mock my faith. Often people mock what they do not understand, or what scares them - other times the mocking is useful in learning what needs to be changed or improved upon.  In 2000 both Al Gore and Former President George W. Bush both admitted to watching Saturday Night Live's mock presidential debate, to see what mannerisms needed to be improved upon. 

"Weekday Jesus" is the same as "Sunday Jesus" who is absolutely the same guy as "Weekend Jesus."  As it turns out there is only Jesus.

The thing is - I often find myself only thinking about "Sunday Jesus" and paying less attention to "Weekday Jesus," which really means that I don't spend enough time Monday to Saturday thinking about Jesus.

I don't act any different on Sunday. Other than Church led prayers I don't pray in more than the rest of the week. I don't dress, speak or act different. I don't abstain from TV, music, cold beer and fatty foods (other than Lent). I'm not kinder to strangers or more pious in my manner. However, I do look closer and pay more attention to God and my faith on Sundays.

Yet another thing that bothers me, that I need to work on, that needs to be added to the list.

Even Monday through Saturday, my faith deserves and requires a conscious effort. 

 
Time to start looking for and paying attention to Weekday Jesus - after all, he's just regular Sunday Jesus (but maybe giving me a thumb up)


Started the day at 195 LBS. 

Day-20: The Scale

Jesus did not wander the desert for 40-Days to look good for wedding season.


I do not recommend the all liquid diet as a weight loss system, but the weight loss does help with staying true to the task.




I know that there are some people whom glance at my blog to see how much weight I'm losing on the liquid diet - the answer is a lot and the weight is melting off.  I'm actually working out less than I typically do. I'm an active guy and still stay busy but the time I typically use to work out is being taken by blogging.

If I wanted to glorify what I was doing I'd tell people that for 44-Days I get to drink all the milkshakes and beer that I want and I'll lose about 25 lbs. But the liquid diet is a miserable diet. I'm always hungry, always short tempted and never full.

On the liquid diet the weight loss works like things:
- Days 1-3: Lack of solid and overall food accounts for the drop in a few lbs
- Days 4-5: Body is super hungry, temper is short, and a pound or two of real weight is gone
- Days 6-7: Body has almost adjusted to all liquids but first it wants to cleanse its colon and a few more pounds are lost in an unpleasant method through the backside. Additionally, another real pound or so is gone
- Days 8-10: Body has fully adjusted to the liquid diet and drop in calories, excess fat is now burned for energy
- Days 10+: Body starts to burn about three pounds of weight every five-days

 At Day-20 I'm down 13lbs. Based on my previous experiences and how I see the trend, I'll lose another 12lbs by the time I eat solid foods again.

Like I said, I don't recommend this as a diet system and other than Lent I don't partake in a liquid diet. I don't think I'd make it 44-Days without any solid food without the added bonus of dropping some unneeded body fat.

My journey continues.

Started the day at 196 LBS.

Day-19: I Have Not Eaten Food In 19-Days!

If you were not aware, I gave up sold foods for Lent. I'm not starving. I get plenty of calories, vitamins and minerals, they just all come in the liquid form. But 19 days without food is not fun.

Today I passed on the following:

• Toast
• Church cookies 
• Beef Roast, Mashed Potatoes and Gravy, Warm Bread, Roasted Beansprouts, Cauliflower and Salad
• Oreo Brownies with M&M topping and Ice Cream
• Cheez Its and apple slices
• Avocado chunks  
• Baked Ham Sandwich
• FRESH BAKED BANANA BREAD!

 Instead I had the following:

• Slim fast with chia seed
• Cup of Coffee
• V8
• Pureed split pea soup
• Diet Coke
• A Miller Lite  
• Pureed Chili 
• A Killian's

Not exactly a fair trade, but I won't starve to death. I have another 27 days to go before I'll eat solids again and I am literally counting down the days. I have not started to think about what I'll eat for my first meal (other than Holy Communion) but I have been thinking about foods I'll want to eat in the first few days and they all have texture and none are tomato based. 

This will be my 4th post of the day. The other three lacked depth. Beth told me that next time I miss a day to not worry about it and just post when I have time, which I like the sound of. But I'm afraid that if allow myself to skip posts that my routine will get shot and my posts will become less and less frequent, until I'm only posting once a week. So post #4 of the day continues.

Daniel said to me today: "Dad, wouldn't it be cool if because you believed in God bad things couldn't hurt you? Like you could touch poison and not have the poison make you hurt? Or if you were hurt, you were healed right away? Wouldn't it be cool if he did that? That's why I believe in God dad, because it'd be cool if he could do that to me."

I didn't think I could answer him without crying, so I just smiled and kept making dinner.

Daniel is only 6 and knows that he had open heart surgery when he was only 3-days-old, but he is far too young to understand the magnitude of that situation. He's far too young to understand that when he was in utero he was diagnosed with HLHS - a heat defect that kills more than 1/3 of all children who are born with it, but after he was delivered doctors discovered that heart defect was less severe than expected. Someday Daniel will understand the impact that his birth has had on my faith, but not it isn't today - if it were, he would not have needed to ask me those questions.

Daniel's question was the preamble as to why, at 6-years-old, he believes in God. If you're wondering why I believe in God - it's because I just do. I'm not articulate enough to write why and I probably wouldn't do the answer justice - but I believe in God and I believe that Jesus Christ in my Lord and Savior.

There are times when I feel disconnected with God. There are times when I am angry at God and question "why?" There are times when I look at my faith from an analytical point of view or with cynicism.

• How do I know my God is the correct God?
• If I know so little about Hinduism, Muslim, Spiritualism, Judaism, Scientology, why is my Christianity correct? 
• If my God is great then why is there so much wrong with the world today? 

Frankly, I don't have the answers for my cynical self and I don't need them. There is a difference between "why" and "what's great about him."

"Why do I believe in God?" is a question that I answer with - "I just do." But the question "what's great about God?" - is a question I could answer in depth.

How do I know I love Beth - I just do, I just know.  I could list dozens of things that I love about my wife, but as to the question "Do you love your wife" there is no proof needed, it is just something that I know. I know that I love Beth and I know that I believe in God.

I love when one of my children asks me a harmless question and it stops me in my tracks. I'm glad that this question got to be record, because they don't always get to be.

Started the day at 197 lbs.