Day-5: What I Would Have Ate Today

Actually, I did eat something.

My challenge, my rules. The Body of Christ is on the "allowed" list even though it would not pass the "Straw Test".








In a whirlwind morning, that started with an hour less sleep, thanks daylight savings, we made it to church a good 25-minutes late.  Beth took the boys to Children's Church and I headed up and listened to the message.

Pastor Pete, who is a Rock Star, said something along the following "We have daily faith, but have no idea how strong it is until it is tested with something serious"

Smack

Suck

There was a lot more to the message and that wasn't even the main point but still.

Smack

For me, the timing, the idea, the coincidence deserves thought, something that I have not adequately given, so I'll talk more on this at a later time.

For Now:

- What I ate vs. What I would have ate, had I not been fasting.

Ate: (Around 1900 Calories)
- Slim Fast
- Fruit VB
- Slim Fast w/ Blueberries (blended)
- Coffee
- Chocolate Soy Milk
- Founders Beer
- Peach Tea
- Campbell's Sip-able Soup
- Fight Club Captain Blended Specialties 
- Heath Bar Ice Cream Milkshake
- Miller Lite
- Killian's Irish Red  

Would have: (Around 3200 calories)
- Slim Fast
- Boy's leftover toast quarter
- Coffee
- Coffee and Cookie at Church
- Handful of peanuts when I got back from church
- Grilled turkey and cheese sandwich, chips & pickle
- Granola Bar 
- Chips & Salsa
- Handful of Cheese Squares, Veggies & Dip
- Cupcake (or 2) @ a 5-Year-Old Birthday Party
- Mac & Cheese, Veggies w/ Hummus, Chicken Fingers, Roasted Artichoke
- Chips, Miller Lite, Killian's Irish Red
- Candy from the "Candy Bucket" at random intervals

Since today included a birthday party for a friend, the "Would Have" day may be typical Sunday in terms of menu but the calorie count is fairly accurate. 

The interesting thing to me is to realize how much I eat that isn't my "meal".  As in a handful here or there, the boys leftover, that stinking candy jar. I don't know, this is not a recommended dietary program, but it can't be all that bad for me either.

Started the day at 204 lbs, will finish around 1900 calories.

Made it though my first weekend!

Day-4: Where My Inadequacies Shine Brightest

Inside me.

My inadequacies shine brightest inside me. I'd imagine it is true for a lot of people, we work hard to put our best foot forward but in are own thoughts were know where and how much we fall short. We look in the mirror, into our own eyes and sometimes think "I'm a fraud and not nearly as put together as people think". Most of the time we only see the outer shell, the public image, the best foot - and we don't know what struggles or turmoil it takes to present the outer shell to the rest of the world.

I'm a big fan of routines. During the week, as family we have a daily routine. I have a routine at work. In the summer I have a running routine. As a coach I have a practice routine. And on Sunday's we have a routine.

- Get up and watch a little TV
- Start getting ready for church
- Get the boys ready for church
- Get to church 3-10 minutes late
- Socialize after church for 20 minutes
- Boys go to Sunday School, we come home and putter
- Pick up boys and head to in-laws for Sunday Supper
- Relax in the afternoon
- Have dinner and get ready for Monday

Even when I'd rather not go, when I worry that I won't get anything from the experience, when I fell disconnected with my faith, we still go to Church. I like going to Church, even when my faith is struggling I enjoy the church community, the people, the songs, the example it sets for our kids. Also, there is possibility that God will smack me upside the head and tell me to pay attention. Even when my passion is faltering, it is good to have the "Sunday Infrastructure" in place so that I can capitalize on it when ready. 

A year ago a close friend, a neighbor, a loved one was diagnosed with Cancer. 36, believer, wife, mother, friend, jogger, health food junkie, nurse, kind, loving, and utterly undeserving of what she as given. But there she was - one day thinking she had a clogged milk duct and the next day being told "Nope, it's cancer."

"Good news mam, your milk duct isn't clogged"

SUCK

"But Doc, since I've lived my life correctly, since I do the correct things and since I'm so young and healthy, it's a very beatable, relatively harmless cancer and only in that one spot right?" 

Stage IV: Tumors in the breast, cancer in her lymphnodes, tumors on her spine

SUCK

"So Doc, a lot of money is spent on cancer research and treatment, I'm sure there a lot of documented success fighting this"

...

SUCK

So she prays, and fights, and does treatment and treatment, and pray, and exercises, and prays, and takes organic to an entirely new level, and prays and her family prays and a network of a over 1000 people join her with journey. Money is raised to help with bills, friend and family from all across the country "vacation" in Byron Center, just to lend a hand for a few days when they can and they all pray.

I cried more than once just in awe what was happening. 

And today, what could have killed her by last December is nowhere to be found in her body. Hey cancer you messed with the wrong person. You messed with a fighter whose determination and faith makes my inadequacy shine like a spot light. You messed with a person who, along with her support network told you go take a long walk off I high, short, cliff.

About three weeks ago all the biopsies came back negative, no cancer cells of any sort - I sent a congratulatory text, to my neighbor, the cancer slayer, the Fight Club Captain. Here is the conversation. 

Fight Club Captain: I know, so pumped!
Me: Seriously, it's so awesome
Fight Club Captain: They were shocked, truly an act of God!
Me: Your situation makes me both angry and happy at God. It is all so very confusing
Fight Club Captain: Be angry at the world that makes decisions base don greed and anti-God, the way he intended it. I believe the guidance of if the holy spirit within me led me to health which is what God intended for this world.
Me: I know it is something I have to work on
Fight Club Captain: We all do, I have no idea how I would be feeling right now if I were being signed up for hospice. But regardless, I have felt his presence even in the darkest hours.
Me: I am glad you have been feeling his presence - I will grow form this but I hate that you are dealing with so much and I am complaining about my faith.
Fight Club Captain: There is not guilt in this, just reality. I had no idea how little I really trusted God until something huge happened.  You are just bring more real about your feelings. It is such a journey.
Me (crying): :) thank you
Me: Btw, you guys are awesome neighbors

Shining super super bright...

SUCK

On a different note: Today is an early publish, but I won't eat solid. I started the day at 204, will finish above 2000 calories today.

 Oddly enough, the most tempting thing I've come across in 5-Days.

Day-3: The 2nd Go Around... Just as Challenging

To start with a little jealousy: 


















It may not make sense but rice cereal is on my banned list - at least she gets to enjoy it.

I ran my first Grand Rapids, 5/3 Riverbank Run in 2002 and not again until 2008. 2008 was also the first time I ran a full marathon and then I didn't run either again until 2013. In 2009 I completed a full P90X course (my body looking nothing like the cover when I was done) and I'm yet to complete another circuit of that. I don't mention this to brag about something the athletic things I have completed but rather to show that it is not always so easy accomplish the same goal twice. I've found that the when accepting a challenge, a large portion of the motivation is completing that challenge. The pride in finishing something that that is a respectable challenge is an immense driving force. 

Which brings me to Day-3 and a lot of wondering "why do this?". I've done this before, I've completed this task, I've seen the results so why do it again?  It feels harder this time and less sincere, which confuses me because I want sincerity behind my motivations.

It's our day - our routine - the fact my wife and I live for the weekends. Not because have crazy, wild, action packed weekends, but because we do not. In 2011 we had two kids, at pretty manageable ages and it seems like our daily demands were less. Now we have three kids, with beautiful eyes above still at a high maintenance age. Monday - Friday is the same thing every day.

- Out of bed before 6:00AM
- Beth on the road by 6:45 AM
- Kids at daycare by 7:15AM
- Wife to Lansing by 8:00AM
- I'm to work by 7:45AM
- Work a full day, pick up the kids between 5:00 & 5:30 PM
- Beth home between 6:00 & 6:30 PM
- Dinner at 6:45 PM
- Deborah in bed at 7:30 PM
- Boys in bed at 8:00 PM

There's not a lot of time to do other things - like interact and play with kids, work out, family outings, shopping, time with the spouse, time with God. I know that he schedule is not overly unique: two busy working parents, but the lack of uniqueness do not diminish the stress it creates on a full stomach.

I already multitask the "down time" of my day. Kids watch a show while I cook dinner, I think about work in the shower, have a morning conversation with Beth on the drive to work, think about work while at work, work or personal calls on the way to get the kids after work. So the "Focus" aspect of what I'm doing is challenging and if I can't find time to focus why take the effort to not eat? Something to think about...

 Started the day at 205 LBS, will finish around 1800 calories. 

Day-2: Just To Clarify The "Straw Test"

Because I said I'd count - I've went #1 11x times since waking up this morning, don't worry I'm done talking about my #1's

Side Note - "Groupie" did not like being referred to as that. Here is a list of his suggestions:
- Brother in Christ
- Fellow Traveler
- Some Guy
- Fatty

I'll may use them all at some point, but for now my "Fellow Traveler" had wicked headaches all day from this. I think he needs to add calories and a multivitamin, which he is going to do for tomorrow, so let's up the headaches get better.

To be clear - this entire process is self-imposed, if you go to Barnes & Nobel there is no "Idiot's Guide to Liquid Diets." I am my own Liquid Diet Dictator so the "Straw Test" and other rules only have to make sense to myself - my "Fellow Traveler" may make up his own rules as he likes.


In 2011 it took 17-days to come up with the "Straw Test", I'm just throwing it out there on Day-2 to get it out in the open.  The concept is simple enough - if I can suck it though a straw I'll drink it. The exceptions are as follows:





- Baby Food
- Apple Sauce
- Pudding / Custard
- Mashed Potatoes
- Gravy
- Hummus
- Cottage Cheese
- Liquid Cheese
- Hot Fudge
- Oatmeal or Malt-o-Meal

... getting the idea.

Also, my coworkers friend - I know, I know, stories like that are almost never true, they always remind me of Ferris Bueller's Day Off  attendance quote, "Um, he's sick. My best friend's sister's boyfriend's brother's girlfriend heard from this guy who knows this kid who's going with the girl who saw Ferris pass out at 31 Flavors last night. I guess it's pretty serious."

Anyway, my coworkers friend owns Vitamix and has recipes to make things like a blended cheeseburger soup in it
. I will not be blending nontraditional items to make liquid versions of things I love. No Taco Bell in a cup, nor pureed ribeye. I won't have liquified nachos, or french fry soup. And when I do have a soup, I either use a straw or just tilt the bowl - and if I have to chew it, or drinking it whole is a challenge, I don't consume it.  For the next 42 days, I'll be chewing ice, gum and not much else. Back in 2011 I had bad heartburn one day and refused tums. I went to a Walgreen and bought a pill form of an antacid.

This is my thing, my sacrifice, my choice and I need to do it my way. I need to not think about what I can next blend to skate around what I'm trying to accomplish, just so that I do not have to skip a flavor profile that I love. The time I could spend creating, blending and craving needs to be spent reflecting and focusing.

I have a great support network, my kids still think I'm amazing, my wife loves me, I have friends who care, I enjoy my job - it's a good life to live, God blesses me and I owe him something more - how to repay it and what "it" even is, is murky.

Maybe being hungry will help me figure that out.

Started the day at 206 lbs. Will finish around 2100 calories - thank you McDonald's Chocolate Milkshake

Day 1 - I Forgot How Much I Pee

Did I mention that I have a groupie?

I do - a friend of mine texted me last night

10:27 PM
Groupie: Want a liquid only running mate? No blogging for me
Me: Deal
Groupie: I dig it. Not for the weight loss
Me: :)
Groupie: The fact that I have lunch appointments every day for the next 2 weeks kinda sucks
Me: :(
Me: Eh, not so bad
Me: However, day 5 or so, when you colon cleanses itself, that sucks
Me: V8 and Slimfast
Groupie: I was just googling liquid meal replacements - I can't drink V8
Me: :( - Fruit Fusion ones (are good) - I lived on Slimfast, V8 and beer the last go
Groupie: Seems like a trip to Costco is coming tomorrow. If its helpful for blogging, I'm happy to be anonymous guy
Groupie: Would need a fun nickname though
Me: Have to give it some thought
Me: You will need like 5 or 6 shakes a day
Me: And a lot of water
Groupie: This will be fun
Groupie: And awful
Me: :) true that
Me: and on that note sweet dreams

Side note - "Groupie" is not the chosen nickname but is the best that I have come up with so far. 

Back to the peeing -

As it turns out swapping food for liquids and snacking on water makes one go pee a lot. I didn't count the amount of times, but I will tomorrow. If I had to guess - I went pee 15 times between 6:00 AM and now (8:45 PM).

The peeing, even more than the food I was not eating, made me think about why I am doing it.  Though it does not take a long time to pee, when you have to walk downstairs, though a cold warehouse, down a hall and around a corner to the bathroom, 12x during the work day, it gives some ample time for deliberation. 

The idea behind Lent is to attempt relate to the emotional turmoil Jesus endured spending 40-Days alone in the desert, fasting, while being tempted and challenged by the Devil.  What I'm doing is hard, but I know I can do it and that it yields the results that I'm looking for. My goal is to gain more from the experience than I did before, how I will achieve this, I'm not sure. 

Beth decided to pick up daily devotionals for Lent - I like that, rather than cut something bad, she adds something good.  It's a seemingly simple task, but will take a lot of effort and after 40+ days of doing something it should habitual, which would be a nice habit to have - and she can still eat bacon.

I'll work hard to not rehash posts or thoughts from before http://40wetdays.blogspot.com/ - but things will probably get reused and others expanded. For the record, no posts will be copied and pasted from 2011.

The thing is - for the last couple weeks I have been giving this a lot of thought. The liquid, the weight loss, the lack of food, the hunger, my relationship with God and the blogging. There is so much that I want to start typing about, to see where my fingers and thoughts lead to see what happens. I think that if I just let my fingers go this post could be extremely scatted and reach novella length. 

However, there is a couch, wife and some relaxiation calling my name - so the fingers will take a break until tomorrow.

Started the day at 209 lbs and will end around 2,000 calories (2-V8 Fruit Fusions, 1-V8 Original, 3 Servings of Slimfast (one with peanut butter blended in) and one Campbells Soup on The Go & 2 Beers)

Day Zero - It Starts Tomorrow

It's March 2014 - I'm still not Catholic but I like Lent, so here I go again.

- In 2013 I gave up chips - eh
- In 2012 I gave up sweets - I think
- In 2011 I gave up solids - bingo

Today is Fat Tuesday which makes tomorrow Ash Wednesday and for Lent I'm giving up solids (again).

The rules are simple:
- Only Liquids
- Straw Test still in effect (I'll explain on a later post)
- I start Ash Wednesday and end Maundy Thursday, no breaks
- I try not to overuse the blender
- Beer is acceptable

When I last did this the idea was sparked from the challenge of not eating and using the experience to grow closer to God, it worked.

This time, the idea was derived from the fact I drop 25 lbs over Lent in 2011 and I thought that 2014 Andy would benefit from shedding a few.  Not that I'm extremely overweight, I'm actually the same weight I was when I ran a Marathon last October, but it has shifted some. I was thinking about the summer and being skinner for running and looking better for wedding season. I was thinking about the extra flesh on my jawline, the way jeans fit and when my kids poke my belly. I was thinking a lot about ME and that bothers me. Lent was going to be my excuse to do a silly diet for ME and that bothers me.

Last time, at some moment doing the process I was having a conversation with a close friend, whose opinion I hold in high regard and he told me that the liquid diet wasn't all that impressive - but the fact that I was taking the time to blog about it was. That not eating would be will power and discipline, things he already knew I had, but the blog would take work and dedication and be the hard part, he was right.


To go with the odd diet will be the blog. To go with the blog will be self-reflection. To go with self-reflection will be conversations with God. And to go with the conversations should bring a strengthened relationship.

It's Day Zero - 44 more to go.

209 LBS - 36 Waist